Alec Baldwin's Mail-Order Fantasies

Okay, so Alec Baldwin likes Filipina mail-order brides. Who doesn't? I mean, he's Caucasian, right?

That statement was made partly in jest. You shouldn't put too much weight on what celebrities say, especially on shows like Letterman.

Anybody who's spent quite some time on the net would've probably stumbled upon websites where they show sexy girls you can chat with. Some say "Lucena", others say "Tuguegarao". But one thing's for sure: those girls are not Filipina. They're Caucasian, for crying out loud. You can see it in their pictures.

Cyber-pimping (is there even such a word?) is nothing new, and it certainly is not confined to our country. I'm pretty sure other countries in the Southeast Asian region have their own million-dollar prostitution industry online. But somehow, the Filipinas are the most popular. Maybe because our women are the most beautiful? Who knows, right?

Filipinos are making such a big deal out of that statement. Especially our politicians. Of all people, the members of Congress should be the ones to know that Baldwin's statement falls under the protective cloak of the first amendment, more popularly known as the freedom of speech. Baldwin cannot be prosecuted. The most we can get out of him would be an apology, if we're lucky. But if he won't apologize, then we can always declare him a persona non grata, just like what we did with Claire Danes. But are we sure we want to go through all that effort when the damage has already been done?

Alec Baldwin's exact words were that he was "thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point ... or a Russian one". Well, I don't hear the Russians complaining. For a race that spawned Manny Pacquiao, we sure are a bunch of sissies.


*pic from abusora.com

Tales From the Central Plains 2: Circus Maximus

Good Friday, 10 Apr 2009. Barrio Cutud, San Fernando, Pampanga.

A solemn event like this:

from afar looks like this:

Whatever happened to the sanctity? It was more like a rock concert than a crucifixion.

There were so many foreigners here you'd think you were in Boracay.

Two words: SELL OUT. Shame on the organizers, or the local government officials involved in this money-making sacrilege. Or both.

Tales From the Central Plains: Chicks

Good Friday, 10 Apr 2009.

No explanation necessary. This should be everybody's concern.

Tales From the Far North 3: Stuck in the Sand

Maundy Thursday, 9 Apr 2009.

These beautiful windmills are located in the municipality of Bangui, Ilocos Norte.

When you visit this place, make sure this doesn't happen to you:



What to do when your vehicle gets stuck in the sand:

1. Make only one attempt to bail yourself out.

If it doesn't work the first time, call for help. The vehicle will just dig itself deeper and deeper into the sand.

2. Help can come in the form of total strangers.

And for that, we thank Mr. Earl Navarro, and his other two friends Tom and Marge.

Earl is now my Facebook friend. Haha.

3. Go to the police.

Well, the first person you should call is the Baranggay Captain (following the true local government heirarchy), but if he or she's not there, go straight to the police.

Do not be scared of cops. They are our friends. And the provincial cops are a nicer breed.

Thanks again to Earl, et al., for driving us to the police station. It would've taken more than an hour on foot.

And thank you to Officers Burgos and Bumanglag, the coolest cops in Bangui. Too bad we have no picture of them.

And finally, our true rescuer:

Special thanks to the Ilocos Norte Electric Cooperative (INEC) for their electric/towing cable (which cost us P35 per meter). And very special thanks to the guy who owns this payloader.

Everyone should know how to say "thank you", especially to those people who helped you without any thought of reward. On behalf of the 420 boys, again, thank you very much.

Tales From the Far North 2: The Boracay of the North(?)

Pagudpud calls itself "The Boracay of the North."

Come on, you can do better than that.

Pagudpud has a totally different terrain. It looks more like Astoria, Oregon. As if I've been to Astoria.

Well, it just looks so much like the sea in The Goonies (which was an eighties film that most youngsters today probably never even heard of). And all the time I was half-expect a pirate ship to come sailing out of the mountains or something.

Sea. Mountains. And an unmistakable northern climate. That and the very strong undercurrent that creates long stretches of foam. Just like the foam in Madonna's video "Cherish".

Pagudpud should never be called "The Boracay of the North". Pagudpud is Pagudpud, and Boracay is Boracay. So there.

Tales From the Far North: The True Kings of the Road

In the metro, there is a certain tricycle driver culture, wherein the tricycle drivers know their place in the traffic scheme. When travelling on a national road, or even on smaller roads, they move aside to let bigger vehicles pass.

But such is not the case in the northern provinces. Tricycles think they are on equal footing with eighteen-wheeler trucks.

In a two-lane highway, a tricycle moving at 40 kph will not yield to an SUV travelling at 120 kph.

I love you, you suicidal and maniacal yellow tricycles of Ilocos Sur.

Earth Hour

Sat, 28 Mar 2009.

2030-2130 hours. This has been designated "Earth Hour," and is actually a yearly event to be held every last Saturday of March.

This is more than just a symbolic act of saving power for one hour. Anyone can save power any hour of any day. But to switch off your lights for Earth Hour is to join the movement to VOTE EARTH.

The target is to actually reach one billion votes (or one billion light switches turned off), and the results would be presented at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Climate change, ladies and gentlemen, is a very serious issue. So serious, in fact, that whatever policies the world powers make will determine the direction of human history. If you don't believe me, check the weather. Rains in March? This was unheard of in our grandparents' time.

So if you didn't vote this year, then make sure to VOTE EARTH next year.

Oh, before I forget. I'd just like to say that I love the logo.

Now where can I get an Earth Hour t-shirt?

I heart Earth.


*some info from earthhour.org
pic from ecologicliving.ca

Tales From the North 2

Fri, 27 Mar 2009.

When travelling north, try to avoid Urdaneta if the sun is still up. The traffic is terrible. Even their main, most important intersection has no traffic lights at all.

They have a pedestrian overpass, but no traffic lights.

Makes you wonder how much the mayor pocketed from the overpass project.

* * *

Rosales, Pangasinan now has an SM City Rosales.

Now F. Sionil Jose's Rosales saga has lost its meaning. What has Shoemart done to this idyllic town?

Tales From the North

Wed, 25 Mar 2009.

Jollibee, Urdaneta, Pangasinan.

The sign said "Open 24 Hours".

10:48 pm---The security guard refused to let us in. Said they were closed. I pointed to the sign that said "Open 24 hours". The guard just looked at me. And still he refused to let us in. He was guarding the door like we were a bunch of armed robbers.

Boo, Jollibee Urdaneta. I'll never eat there again.

At least Chowking has free wifi.

* * *

Why do the towns of La Union strongly resemble the towns of Batangas?

Must be the sea air.

* * *

For those who want to take a road trip north:

Balintawak toll gate: P36.
NLEX last exit (Dau): P138.
SCTEX: P69.

That's for Class 1 vehicles. So you can take the Exact Fare Lane.

What's Up, Joaquin Phoenix?

I've wanted to write about this for a long time now, but it totally slipped my mind.

Oh, Joaquin Phoenix...what went wrong?

How did you go from this:

to this:

You can read up on his antics here. But that's just one incident. There are more.

So, multiple choice. What's up with Joaquin?

• a. He snapped out. Poor guy.
• b. He is tripping. In a very eccentric manner.
• c. He is doing publicity for an upcoming film.
• d. He is method acting for an upcoming film.
• e. I honestly don't know.

Emperor pic from slick-n-wet.tripod.com
Caveman pic from usmagazine.com

also on: dacouchtomato.blogspot.com

Defending Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps, possibly the greatest Olympian in history, was reprimanded by USA Swimming, the national governing body of competitive swimming in the United States.

The verdict: USA Swimming withdrew financial support for Phelps, and declared him ineligible to compete for three months, beginning February 5, 2009.

The reason? This:

This incident has forced Michael Phelps to issue a public apology, apparently to soothe his disappointed fans.

How in the world can a sports body suspend the guy who brought home eight gold medals from the Beijing Olympics, just for smoking some weed during his off-season?

If only Michael Phelps were brave enough, he would've probably stood up and defended his pot smoking. That would've given the other closet potheads the courage to stand up and speak out. And thus would begin the Battle for Decriminalization.

What Michael Phelps should've said was: "I use a bong to filter out the tar. At least I don't smoke joints and harm my extremely powerful lungs."

"To Text" is a Word

Just read an email that went something like this:

"Hey everyone...blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda...stay tuned, I'll just send everyone an SMS."

Those last few words made me cringe. I'll just send everyone an SMS.

There are numerous variations of that phrase. Wait for my SMS, I'll SMS you...well, I have some news for you, whoever wrote that e-mail (yeah, you know who you are): to text is now an accepted verb. Watch American movies. Once in a while, you'll hear someone say, "I'll text you." Even the Brits use it. I believe the Aussies use it as well. Everyone who speaks English on the planet uses it. So why don't you start using it?

Compare these two sentences: 1) i'll send you an sms; and 2) i'll text you.

That's fifteen (15) letters versus ten (10), or twenty (20) characters against thirteen (13).

Doesn't take a genius to find out which requires more energy to type.