Concerned Citizen Kane

Alec Baldwin's Mail-Order Fantasies

2009-05-19T22:44:00.004+08:00

Okay, so Alec Baldwin likes Filipina mail-order brides. Who doesn't? I mean, he's Caucasian, right?

That statement was made partly in jest. You shouldn't put too much weight on what celebrities say, especially on shows like Letterman.

Anybody who's spent quite some time on the net would've probably stumbled upon websites where they show sexy girls you can chat with. Some say "Lucena", others say "Tuguegarao". But one thing's for sure: those girls are not Filipina. They're Caucasian, for crying out loud. You can see it in their pictures.

Cyber-pimping (is there even such a word?) is nothing new, and it certainly is not confined to our country. I'm pretty sure other countries in the Southeast Asian region have their own million-dollar prostitution industry online. But somehow, the Filipinas are the most popular. Maybe because our women are the most beautiful? Who knows, right?

Filipinos are making such a big deal out of that statement. Especially our politicians. Of all people, the members of Congress should be the ones to know that Baldwin's statement falls under the protective cloak of the first amendment, more popularly known as the freedom of speech. Baldwin cannot be prosecuted. The most we can get out of him would be an apology, if we're lucky. But if he won't apologize, then we can always declare him a persona non grata, just like what we did with Claire Danes. But are we sure we want to go through all that effort when the damage has already been done?

Alec Baldwin's exact words were that he was "thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point ... or a Russian one". Well, I don't hear the Russians complaining. For a race that spawned Manny Pacquiao, we sure are a bunch of sissies.

*pic from abusora.com

Tales From the Central Plains 2: Circus Maximus

2009-05-19T22:21:00.004+08:00

Good Friday, 10 Apr 2009. Barrio Cutud, San Fernando, Pampanga.

A solemn event like this:

from afar looks like this:

Whatever happened to the sanctity? It was more like a rock concert than a crucifixion.

There were so many foreigners here you'd think you were in Boracay.

Two words: SELL OUT. Shame on the organizers, or the local government officials involved in this money-making sacrilege. Or both.

Tales From the Central Plains: Chicks

2009-04-29T14:28:00.003+08:00

Good Friday, 10 Apr 2009.

No explanation necessary. This should be everybody's concern.

Tales From the Far North 3: Stuck in the Sand

2009-04-17T04:55:00.007+08:00

Maundy Thursday, 9 Apr 2009.

These beautiful windmills are located in the municipality of Bangui, Ilocos Norte.

When you visit this place, make sure this doesn't happen to you:

What to do when your vehicle gets stuck in the sand:

1. Make only one attempt to bail yourself out.

If it doesn't work the first time, call for help. The vehicle will just dig itself deeper and deeper into the sand.

2. Help can come in the form of total strangers.

And for that, we thank Mr. Earl Navarro, and his other two friends Tom and Marge.

Earl is now my Facebook friend. Haha.

3. Go to the police.

Well, the first person you should call is the Baranggay Captain (following the true local government heirarchy), but if he or she's not there, go straight to the police.

Do not be scared of cops. They are our friends. And the provincial cops are a nicer breed.

Thanks again to Earl, et al., for driving us to the police station. It would've taken more than an hour on foot.

And thank you to Officers Burgos and Bumanglag, the coolest cops in Bangui. Too bad we have no picture of them.

And finally, our true rescuer:

Special thanks to the Ilocos Norte Electric Cooperative (INEC) for their electric/towing cable (which cost us P35 per meter). And very special thanks to the guy who owns this payloader.

Everyone should know how to say "thank you", especially to those people who helped you without any thought of reward. On behalf of the 420 boys, again, thank you very much.

Tales From the Far North 2: The Boracay of the North(?)

2009-04-12T06:12:00.003+08:00

Pagudpud calls itself "The Boracay of the North."

Come on, you can do better than that.

Pagudpud has a totally different terrain. It looks more like Astoria, Oregon. As if I've been to Astoria.

Well, it just looks so much like the sea in The Goonies (which was an eighties film that most youngsters today probably never even heard of). And all the time I was half-expect a pirate ship to come sailing out of the mountains or something.

Sea. Mountains. And an unmistakable northern climate. That and the very strong undercurrent that creates long stretches of foam. Just like the foam in Madonna's video "Cherish".

Pagudpud should never be called "The Boracay of the North". Pagudpud is Pagudpud, and Boracay is Boracay. So there.

Tales From the Far North: The True Kings of the Road

2009-04-10T10:01:00.006+08:00

In the metro, there is a certain tricycle driver culture, wherein the tricycle drivers know their place in the traffic scheme. When travelling on a national road, or even on smaller roads, they move aside to let bigger vehicles pass.

But such is not the case in the northern provinces. Tricycles think they are on equal footing with eighteen-wheeler trucks.

In a two-lane highway, a tricycle moving at 40 kph will not yield to an SUV travelling at 120 kph.

I love you, you suicidal and maniacal yellow tricycles of Ilocos Sur.

Earth Hour

2009-03-29T13:34:00.002+08:00

Sat, 28 Mar 2009.

2030-2130 hours. This has been designated "Earth Hour," and is actually a yearly event to be held every last Saturday of March.

This is more than just a symbolic act of saving power for one hour. Anyone can save power any hour of any day. But to switch off your lights for Earth Hour is to join the movement to VOTE EARTH.

The target is to actually reach one billion votes (or one billion light switches turned off), and the results would be presented at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Climate change, ladies and gentlemen, is a very serious issue. So serious, in fact, that whatever policies the world powers make will determine the direction of human history. If you don't believe me, check the weather. Rains in March? This was unheard of in our grandparents' time.

So if you didn't vote this year, then make sure to VOTE EARTH next year.

Oh, before I forget. I'd just like to say that I love the logo.

Now where can I get an Earth Hour t-shirt?

I heart Earth.

*some info from earthhour.org
pic from ecologicliving.ca

Tales From the North 2

2009-03-28T08:26:00.002+08:00

Fri, 27 Mar 2009.

When travelling north, try to avoid Urdaneta if the sun is still up. The traffic is terrible. Even their main, most important intersection has no traffic lights at all.

They have a pedestrian overpass, but no traffic lights.

Makes you wonder how much the mayor pocketed from the overpass project.

* * *

Rosales, Pangasinan now has an SM City Rosales.

Now F. Sionil Jose's Rosales saga has lost its meaning. What has Shoemart done to this idyllic town?

Tales From the North

2009-03-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

Wed, 25 Mar 2009.

Jollibee, Urdaneta, Pangasinan.

The sign said "Open 24 Hours".

10:48 pm---The security guard refused to let us in. Said they were closed. I pointed to the sign that said "Open 24 hours". The guard just looked at me. And still he refused to let us in. He was guarding the door like we were a bunch of armed robbers.

Boo, Jollibee Urdaneta. I'll never eat there again.

At least Chowking has free wifi.

* * *

Why do the towns of La Union strongly resemble the towns of Batangas?

Must be the sea air.

* * *

For those who want to take a road trip north:

Balintawak toll gate: P36.
NLEX last exit (Dau): P138.
SCTEX: P69.

That's for Class 1 vehicles. So you can take the Exact Fare Lane.

What's Up, Joaquin Phoenix?

2009-03-15T19:38:00.002+08:00

I've wanted to write about this for a long time now, but it totally slipped my mind.

Oh, Joaquin Phoenix...what went wrong?

How did you go from this:

to this:

You can read up on his antics here. But that's just one incident. There are more.

So, multiple choice. What's up with Joaquin?

a. He snapped out. Poor guy.
b. He is tripping. In a very eccentric manner.
c. He is doing publicity for an upcoming film.
d. He is method acting for an upcoming film.
e. I honestly don't know.

Emperor pic from slick-n-wet.tripod.com
Caveman pic from usmagazine.com

also on: dacouchtomato.blogspot.com

Defending Michael Phelps

2009-02-07T09:37:00.002+08:00

Michael Phelps, possibly the greatest Olympian in history, was reprimanded by USA Swimming, the national governing body of competitive swimming in the United States.

The verdict: USA Swimming withdrew financial support for Phelps, and declared him ineligible to compete for three months, beginning February 5, 2009.

The reason? This:

This incident has forced Michael Phelps to issue a public apology, apparently to soothe his disappointed fans.

How in the world can a sports body suspend the guy who brought home eight gold medals from the Beijing Olympics, just for smoking some weed during his off-season?

If only Michael Phelps were brave enough, he would've probably stood up and defended his pot smoking. That would've given the other closet potheads the courage to stand up and speak out. And thus would begin the Battle for Decriminalization.

What Michael Phelps should've said was: "I use a bong to filter out the tar. At least I don't smoke joints and harm my extremely powerful lungs."

"To Text" is a Word

2009-01-05T12:59:00.001+08:00

Just read an email that went something like this:

"Hey everyone...blah-blah-blah yadda-yadda...stay tuned, I'll just send everyone an SMS."

Those last few words made me cringe. I'll just send everyone an SMS.

There are numerous variations of that phrase. Wait for my SMS, I'll SMS you...well, I have some news for you, whoever wrote that e-mail (yeah, you know who you are): to text is now an accepted verb. Watch American movies. Once in a while, you'll hear someone say, "I'll text you." Even the Brits use it. I believe the Aussies use it as well. Everyone who speaks English on the planet uses it. So why don't you start using it?

Compare these two sentences: 1) i'll send you an sms; and 2) i'll text you.

That's fifteen (15) letters versus ten (10), or twenty (20) characters against thirteen (13).

Doesn't take a genius to find out which requires more energy to type.

Martin, Pops, and Ashton Kutcher

2008-12-18T04:11:00.000+08:00

This post is kind of delayed, so let me get it off my system before it becomes old news.

I read in the paper some weeks ago about some sort of "reunion concert," a Martin-and-Pops reunion concert to be exact. And now for the punchline: Martin-Pops reunion concert to be produced by Jomari Yllana.

Now what the hell is Jomari Yllana doing in the equation? This is actually akin to saying that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are coming up with a new movie produced by Ashton Kutcher.

First of all, what is the point of Jomari producing the concert? Was he ever involved in concert productions before? What does he know of producing concerts?

Or, better yet, is this just another marketing move, where people are supposed to drool over how civil it is of Jomari Yllana to produce the comeback concert for Pops and Martin? Come on, seriously? Will more people watch it if Jomari Yllana produced the concert? Give me a break.

If I was Jomari Yllana, fine, I'd be civil and all. I'd make small talk with Martin Nievera just for the sake of being civil. I don't know about you all, but I would NEVER produce a comeback concert for my new girlfriend and her ex-husband. But then again, that's just bitter old me.

What's Up With Starbucks?

2008-11-08T21:07:00.000+08:00

Again, let me ask the question: What in the world is up with Starbucks?

Okay, so the coffee lovers and the I-drink-coffee-for-the-wi-fi crowd, shoot me. But first let me explain before you valiantly come to the rescue of your favorite coffee shop.

Somewhere in the heart of Quezon City is a certain mall known as TriNoma. This mall is owned by the Ayalas.

Now if you enter the mall using the Mindanao Avenue entrance (the one through the fountains), you will see the first Starbucks. If you walk all the way to the atrium, there's another Starbucks there. Then if you go up to the cinema level and walk out to the open-air garden-something, smack right in the middle you will see -- you all know the answer -- a third Starbucks. That's three! Three Starbucks! Ah ah ah! (That was supposed to sound like The Count from Sesame Street.)

For emphasis, let me state that these three Starbucks are within three minutes from each other. You can actually walk from the first Starbucks to the second and then to the third one in less time than it would take to smoke one cigarette. And if there is actually a fourth Starbucks in TriNoma, I don't even want to know about it.

Next, look up the word "saturate" in the dictionary. Then try to find out what "saturated" and "super-saturated" mean.

A law should be passed banning any establishment from having more than one branch within a specified radius. Saturating the market with unnecessary outlets is a capitalist move with total lack of foresight. Three Starbucks might be good now, but in the long run, the other branches will fold, and only one will be left standing. Well, capitalism is not known for its foresight anyway.

Okay, now let me ask the question again: What is up with Starbucks?

Obama is the Fall of the New Rome

2008-11-06T12:57:00.000+08:00

And Barack Obama makes history.

All hail the first non-Caucasian president. Highly unlikely in a country where just decades earlier, Los Angeles police officers beat up an African-American truck driver. Where less than a century earlier, lynch mobs still practiced the art of stringing African-Americans from tree branches. Where a little over a hundred years earlier, there were only Africans, not African-Americans.

Since the founding of the American republic, only Caucasians have sat in the Oval Office. Barack Obama's presidential victory is a clear sign that change has come to the land of the free. And this is not just a minor change, like the change from the Deutschmark to the Euro, or from a parliamentary to a republican form of government. This is a change in the mentality of an entire nation. And all changes can be either good or bad.

I am not saying that Obama's victory is a bad thing. I am just saying that like the Roman Empire before them, the reign of the United States of America must soon come to an end. And the fall of the mighty empire will be heralded by major changes. And their new president is just the first of many more major changes to come.

What Happened to the Wall?

2008-09-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

Yes, everyone's been talking about it, but very few people understand it. So before the issue becomes moot and academic, let me voice out my opinion.

Inspired by the excellent explanation of the jester-in-exile and the beautiful words of Marocharim, I would also like to share my view on the very popular House Bill 16, a.k.a. the Reproductive Health Bill.

My commentary however, will not dwell on the pros and cons of wearing a rubber glove on one's---for lack of a better word---dick, but will go higher up to the ultimate source of the problem: The Wall.

Of course I'm not talking about Pink Floyd's psychedelic masterpiece. I'm talking about what James Madison proposed two centuries ago. There should be in fact a wall of separation between the Church and the State. It is my firm belief that it would be best if we interpreted this literally, like really putting up a brick wall that should stand between the town church and the municipal building. But of course most people will not agree, and so I'd have to settle for a figurative wall, which is sort of like the wall you put up when you're in the same room with someone you really hate and you're not on speaking terms with.

This wall of separation, though invisible, should still be felt by everyone. It must be clear to each and every citizen that the State is perfectly free from any strings that might be pulled by the clergy. And what is the clearest way to show it but through the laws that the legislators pass?

That's why I do not look favorably at Father Ed Panlilio, a Catholic priest, holding the post of Pampanga governor. Although there is still no cause for alarm, his election could be a signal for all the other clergymen to start immersing themselves in State affairs. And unless they are able to cut off all their ties with the Church, I believe they might pose a greater danger in the running of this country than all the actors in Congress combined.

The Power of the Courts

2008-05-17T10:07:00.000+08:00

Most people will have heard the news by now. California has legalized same sex marriages. Well, no law was passed explicitly stating that gay marriages were now legal; the California Supreme Court, in a 4-3 vote, simply ruled in favor of same-sex unions. Which basically amounts to the same thing.

What everyone should realize here is that the courts, which ideally should simply be the interpreters of the law, actually have the power to "create" law by the decisions they pass. And the California Supreme Court ruling is one such example, as hundreds of gay couples rejoiced in the streets when the decision came out. So now gay couples are allowed to legitimize their union, thanks to the Court's ruling.

Of course, this is not the first instance wherein a court's decision became law; neither is this the first instance wherein a US state legalized gay marriage (the state of Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriages in 2004). But the California Supreme Court's decision last Thursday puts the Golden State on the road to becoming the second state to do so.

Well of course this decision has sparked controversies on both sides, with the conservatives pushing to spend more than $10 million on the campaign to overturn this decision. This is how the law works: the state legislature passes a bill, which becomes law; the state Supreme Court, through a decision, can overturn the law, thus effecting a new law. And the only thing that can overturn the court's decision is a constitutional amendment, which the conservative California residents plan to undertake in November.

Few people realize the power of the courts in effecting social change. In fact, the courts seem to be the only branch of government that thinks out of the box, and the backward-loving legislators are actually balanced out by the forward-thinking jurists. But most of the time, the backward folk are more stubborn than the progressive ones, and they will do anything in their power to let the status quo remain as it is.

But again, I would like to commend the California Supreme Court decision, as one small step in the evolution of the human race. Times are changing, society is changing, and everything should change along with it. And legalizing gay marriages is a step in the right direction.

The only question is: when will they do the same for marijuana?

The Academic Oval

2008-04-20T12:53:00.001+08:00

In the sprawling campus of the University of the Philippines, one can find the famous academic oval. This academic oval was witness to a lot of historical events in the country. The acacia trees that line it have been planted since the fifties, so you can say that the trees are probably as old as the campus itself.

The oval is used by different folks, for different purposes. Motorists use it for---what else---motoring. Athletes use it in running. Activists use it for their protest marches. And the colleges use it for the Lantern Parade.

For those who have been stuck in Diliman for ten years or more (like me), the Academic Oval is probably as familiar as the back of your hand. But the oval, ladies and gentlemen, is slowly changing, and not for the better.

Try walking around the oval now, while drinking a bottle of water, or munching on some junk food. When your bottle becomes empty, you of course search for a place to throw your trash in. You start looking for those maroon-and-green concrete trash bins that line the oval. But then you realize that the trash bins are not there anymore. The trash bins have disappeared.

The oval is changing. First, they changed the traffic flow to one-way. Then they took out the trash bins. Someone said that they might also take away those concrete maroon benches (the ones labelled "Luis D. Beltran"). And someone else mentioned that they might build a Starbucks somewhere in the Lagoon.

Centennial my ass. One hundred years of UP is not going the way it's supposed to be.

The Prophet Al Gore

2008-04-15T12:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the fourteenth of April.

If it were any other year, it would still be the height of summer in the Philippines. But this is 2008.

For the first time in my entire life, I have seen rainfall in the middle of April. This was totally unheard of before.

Today is the same. Fifteenth of April, and the scorching summer sun is hiding behind black rainclouds, which have arrived a month early.

Of course I already knew Al Gore was right about global warming. This here is proof.

Now the question is: will mushroom season arrive earlier this year too?

Vic Sotto's "Sing"

2008-04-14T06:49:00.000+08:00

All Filipinos know Eat Bulaga. Not everyone may love it, but everybody knows it.

Eat Bulaga has a comedy sketch called "Bulagaan." The sketch goes something like this: One of them plays the teacher (usually it's Joey de Leon or Tito Sotto), while the rest of them play students. The teacher calls on the student and asks a question, like "What is the capital of Jamaica?" The answer is of course Kingston, and the student who answers it should also deliver a knock-knock joke with Kingston as the punchline.

Whereas the American knock-knock joke would only use Kingston in a sentence, the Pinoy knock-knock joke will deliver it in song.

On December 12, 2005, Vic Sotto delivered his knock-knock joke to the tune of The Carpenters's "Sing". He of course replaced the words "sing a song" with whatever the punchline was.

And he did this everyday for a little over a year. So even if the punchline had more than three syllables, he would still squeeze it in.

The longest word I ever heard him use was "Cagayan de Oro", which was six syllables. The more syllables the punchline has, the more it would sound stupid when sung. And that is where the humor lies. What makes it even funnier is that they blend their voices together when singing it. By "them," I mean Vic Sotto and his sidekick Jose.

Several people think I'm too shallow for buying this. Some call Vic Sotto the king of corny jokes. But I beg to disagree. I think this "Sing" phenomenon is a testament to Vic Sotto's comic genius. And he doesn't care if you find it funny or not. He doesn't give a damn at all. After all, he was able to snag Pia Guanio, wasn't he?

Anyway, the point of all this is that I would have posted a video of this here, but strangely, I can't find any video of it on the net. And I thought you could find everything on the net.

Therefore, if anyone of you knows Bossing personally, please ask him if he has any plans of releasing a DVD compilation of all the "Sing" gags. That's around three hundred sixty-five versions of "Sing". And if he has no plans, then he better start making plans, because if he doesn't, I'm heading off to the Eat Bulaga video archives and compiling them myself.

*Note: Joe Raposo, who was a staff songwriter for Sesame Street, was the one who actually wrote "Sing". It was only popularized by The Carpenters.

Singing the National Anthem in Vegas

2008-03-21T08:26:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't have picked Ciara Sotto to sing the Philippine national anthem.

The Pacquiao-Marquez sequel has decided to give the microphone to the daughter of former senator Tito Sotto to belt out the national anthem. But ask yourself this: did Ciara give a great rendition of "Lupang Hinirang"?

Those with sharp ears would have heard her miss one note in the song. Normal people would probably not have noticed it, but to a trained ear, that note would have a split-second jarring effect on the auditory senses.

Would the Americans, or even the Mexicans, have noticed it? Probably not. I mean, we wouldn't have noticed if one single note in the Mexican national anthem was sung off-key.

The question to ask is: did Ciara realize she sung one note off-key? If she is a real singer, she would know. Deep inside she would know.

But that really doesn't matter now, as the fight is over. Go Manny!

On the Writ of Amparo

2007-10-26T08:15:00.000+08:00

All hail the Chief.

Two days ago (the twenty-fourth which was also my brother's birthday) was the first day of the promulgation of the writ of amparo. This is the latest move by the Supreme Court to drastically lessen, if not totally eradicate, the extra-judicial killings perpetrated by the military.

People thought there was no solution to this nagging problem. The ones who were abducted, and the bodies that were recovered, were said to belong to suspected communists, or to communists sympathizers. And since the government keeps reiterating that we are at war with the communists, then these deaths will simply be shrugged off as casualties of war.

And what if the writ of habeas corpus is not a sufficient remedy for the speedy administration of justice? Simple---we import a remedy from Latin America, which we call the writ of amparo.

The writ of amparo is definitely a more appropriate remedy for all these disappearances. Consider this: no docket fees. This certainly goes in favor of the poor farmers and peasants. Plus the writ may be filed twenty-four-seven, and may be executed even a judge's or Justice's handwriting. This is justice without the financial constraints.

There is no doubt about it. Chief Justice Puno will go down in history, as one of the most revolutionary figures in modern times. That's the truth, as even Joma Sison says that the only way he can return home to the Philippines is when Chief Justice Puno becomes president.

The C-Town is Outside MMDA Jurisdiction

2007-09-28T14:49:00.000+08:00

Sep 21 2007

C-Town, East side --- This is what we lovingly call our hometown Cainta, Rizal. Gateway to the East and all that crap. We just love it for being what it is: a quiet little suburban town, flood waters and all.

The Junction: technically, every major intersection is called a junction. The EDSA-Shaw intersection is a junction, as is EDSA corner Aurora. But most people know of only one junction, and that is the Cainta Junction. That's why it's spelled with a capital J. Just say "Junction," and they'll know that you mean the one in C-Town.

Just this week, major changes have happened in the Junction. Excess concrete was being hacked away from the buildings, in an effort to "expand" the sidewalk. And by Thursday, we see those fuschia-colored chicken wires springing up the sidewalks. What happened here?

Apparently, our former-newscaster-turned-mayor Ramon "Mon" Ilagan decided to enlist the help of the MMDA, in order to beautify this little suburban town. Was it even ugly in the first place?

I smell a bid for cityhood here. Well, if majority of the C-Town's residents would want this to be a city, I can't stop them. But if the Mayor wants to use Mr. BF's help, they should at least take out the MMDA logos on the chicken wires, and on the demolition trucks. The MMDA has absolutely NO jurisdiction over here, because the C-Town is a part of Region IV. Cainta is not, and never was, a part of the Metro Manila Council, and as such, cannot use the MMDA, directly or indirectly, for any purpose.

So Mr. Mayor, please study the rules, and do everything the legal way. And Mr. Bitch-Fit, please take your iron hand elsewhere.

(This is my first attempt at a political and social commentary.)

(originally posted in stinglacson.multiply.com, Sep 21, '07 3:34 AM.)